I'm sorry for being away for so longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
I didn't want to update 'cos most of the things to update were bad memories so I didnt want to update, even for now. I want to apologise for not reading you guys' blogs too. I'm not having spare time for myself at all.
Dad sent me for classes and ordered me to do so many stuff at home. So many that I don't understand his intention. I'm having full-day classes 5days a week and 3 other duties to be done at home. So how many hours do I have left for myself not including time for bed? This may sound so exaggerating but it's really happening to me and it'll be like this for as long as I'm home. I'm not used to this kind of life at all. Okay, you guys may say that you are also busy but there are differences between us.you can go out after school and be home a bit late or have late night outs at the weekends. Yeah, I can't. I don't know why he wanted me to go out to the world,to live by myself and to manage everything by myself when he wants to control me in everyway. I feel so uncomfortable to be around him. If he wants me to be closer to him then I would say please find some other ways. I'm not an obeying kid anymore. I want to choose for myself when I know I can't!These things will just keeps us apart and will be further and further.
He just talked to me again today. Whatever he said might not sound so bad but it gave me pressure. His words alway give me pressure. I just can't feel the happiness to be home with family. I know I can't hate him when I love him so much.So I'm trying to keep a distance and we won't have to quarrel. People told me to speak out but I would say I don't dare to. I don't want him to see me as a weak kid. I would rather force myself to do what he wanted me to even I know I'd fail.
I wish to enjoy myself as much as possible at this age but I think I got to give it up. I know I'm enjoying too but I can't never be as how I had. I'm crying like a kid but I got to keep it as a secret. I'm just wishing to go somewhere far because I know that this will give me the sense of lovely and warm family!
I may sound so sorrowful. I think I am. My dad isn't that strict but I just hate the way he rules me. I enjoy what I love to do and I'm enjoying them. However, I can give pieces of shit when I'm doing things that I dont wish to do. :D
I love you dad.
ting tong, 12:01 AM.